By: Jenn Vicious
Jenn Vicious is the radical community’s Agony Aunt, providing life coaching and social etiquette answers for radical cultures. Need poly, kinky, or queer dating advice, need to to know what to wear to court or a family function (you know, one you have to look “respectable” at), want to understand what to and not to say in some contexts, ask Jenn Vicious.
So my best friend is kind of racist as fuck. Not in an overtly obnoxious way, but in the hapless, ignorant, “I’m white, richt, privileged and I don’t get why people don’t just chill out, damn!” way. It makes me crazy, that she genuinely thinks that the world is “Post Racial” and that since racism doesn’t exist anymore, nothing she does or says can be called racist. I don’t want to ruin our friendship but I’m Asian and also not a blind moron and this shit pisses me the fuck off, what should I do?
I hate to break it to you, but I think there is a ticking clock on your friendship with your post-racial friend. Sooner or later, I think you are going to get completely fed up with her ignorant-ass ways, and decide to spend less time with her.
You aren’t the one ruining your friendship. She is. If she can’t tell that not everyone on the planet has the same experience as a rich little white girl in the states, including, I’m going to guess, her best friend, then I think she is doing a lot to contribute to the demise of your friendship. I want to say it’s not her fault, but it sounds like it is. If you’ve had enough conversations with her about it to get to determine that nothing she does is racist because racism doesn’t exist in our magical post-racial land, then I think she’s had fair warning that this is a problem. Anyone who thinks the world is post-racial is delusional (and white).
Clearly you are not a blind moron and she is. Probably your friendship is going to fizzle out because you can’t stand being annoyed at her anymore, and the good times will stop weighing out the bad. Or you could spell out for her the things that are coming between you. Call her on her racist shit, send her articles that prove the existence of race, and otherwise hound her about her ignorance. I’m guessing she won’t really hear it, because if she’s dumb enough to act like an expert on race in front of someone who isn’t white, I’m not sure there is much hope for her.