Depression

By: Basilia Vega 

Chicago_Bulls_alternate_uniform

I wake up, and stray from my bed late in the afternoon
The same as always
With my childhood memories whispering in my ear over and over again
That fucking depression fallows me
she laughs at me
she smiles at my pain and chokes me even when I’m not nervous

I cry in the shower
Every morning I fill the tub with insecurities
I deeply scrape my guilty body wash, that crawls its way through my pours
My shampoo moisturizes my gray cloud that later puffs up
as I tip toe out my bathroom refreshed
I dry off
crawl to my closet for an outfit
Black jeans, black shoes, and uncombed hair
I appreciate that the black makes me look slimmer
But no matter how many times I stare at my reflection,
I just wish I saw myself in a basketball uniform again
Then I just stare at my shoes for a while
My 30 ton titanics that support my back as I crouch with the only ounce of dignity I think I have left
Just before I start my day I have to check in the  mirror one more time
I still can’t see the whole me with that huge crack that splits my life into a smaller fraction and only manages to keep my wrist in tact…
I stick up my spikey hair to try and look handsome
But the only person I seem to recognize in my reflection is depression

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