by: Pat Brown
This past weekend, like so many Americans, I got to see Channing Tatum’s rump make its big screen debut. I really enjoyed Magic Mike, though I think everyone was hoping for a more Fassbender-esque reveal. I’ve been wanting to write for In Our Words for a while but just haven’t found the right topic. However, after watching Matthew McConaughey say alright alright alright for 2 hours I was inspired.
So, in the spirit of MFK and other sleepover games, here is a list of 12 presidents who I think would make up the best all male review. I decided to start with the earliest.
1. Thomas Jefferson
This probably seems like the obvious choice, since he is a notorious “jungle fever haver,” but I think he would also be a really great dancer.
2. John Tyler
This guy brought about the annexation of Texas, he understood that bigger was better.
3. James K. Polk
First off, great stage name. Second, he was the first president to have pictures taken of him, clearly a diva.
4. James Buchanan
He was the only president who remained a life long Bachelor, clearly liked to get his freak on.
5. Abraham Lincoln
He’s one tall drink of water.
6. Ulysses S. Grant
Some say notorious drunk, I saw party animal. Anyone that can win the Civil war with a flask of scotch in them has to be awesome.
7. Chester A. Arthur
There’s just something really sexy about old school mutton chops.
8. Teddy Roosevelt
I imagine his stage act would be similar to the Tarzan character from magic mike. Just a wild muscle man.
9. Woodrow Wilson
Always looks like he’s smirking. He’s just waiting to get on that stage and shake what his mama gave him.
What can I say that hasn’t already been said. Everyone wanted him to strip off that suit and expose the gold thong we all know he wore at all times.
11. Bill Clinton
He could just stand up there and wink at people and everyone would throw money at him.
12. Barack Obama
If you haven’t thought about what Barack looks like naked, you aren’t a real American. Love it or leave it.
Feel free to add any additions or honorable mentions in the comments. Happy 4th of July everyone.
Patrick Brown is currently working on his M.A. in theology at Catholic Theological Union. He is also getting married this summer to a lovely young woman and super happy. He is a contribuor to State of Formation and is active in their local chapter.