by: Carly Oishi
Recently someone suggested that I was unaware that there are other things in life going on besides me.
They acknowledged that we’re all selfish, but that they would not allow my selfishness to get in the way of their own.
As this is fundamentally what friendships/relationships entail, I took up their offer to part ways and bid adieu.
Oh and yes, ended that conversation feeling infuriated, frustrated, misunderstood and contemplative.
Something I’ve noticed that’s been happening a lot to me (and to my girl friends) is this: Lots of initial interest on the guy’s part, followed with communication/interaction that backs this up, then…NOTHING. Example: giving me your business card and then not responding to my email. Exchanging phone numbers and not replying to my text. Talking/IMing through OKCupid, randomly meeting at a bar on accident and taking my number, saying you’d like to go out sometime and then never calling (Actually happened and to this day, run into this guy all over the city).
I’d like to believe they suddenly got busy, or didn’t get my text, or lost/dropped/broke/misplaced/”didn’t have their” phone “on them”, got caught up with work, were kidnapped, DIED.
Yet we all know this is probably not true.
It’s that we were forgotten, put on a back burner, replaced, or without warning, dismissed.
When someone wants to talk to you, THEY WILL.
Now you are left with three options:
- Contacting them again and acting as though nothing is wrong. I believe this is called “giving them the benefit of the doubt”. Until, of course this continues to happen and you’re left looking/feeling pretty damn foolish and eventually having to choose from the following…
- Confronting them about it. This seems like the direct approach, the one that will provide the most answers and perhaps clear the air. It’s also a sure fire way to put them on the defensive and/or make you look like the crazy girl, the one asking for too much, they are figuring will come out eventually.
- Ignore them back. This will probably give you the most satisfaction, though it lets them off the hook and still leaves you with unanswered questions and hurt feelings.
It’s not that I expect anyone to keep up with me on a daily basis, as nice as that would be sometimes. I know that I’m impatient and in need of attention and prefer to have a little bit of contact to feel needed and wanted. It’s something I’m aware of and that I try to keep in check.
But you can’t text someone “good morning” for days in a row and then stop for no reason and think I won’t notice. You can’t see me for weeks on end, five, six days in a row and then drop off the face of the Earth for another five days without me thinking something’s wrong. You can’t have lengthy conversations one day and then send one word replies the next without me believing you’re bored or have become disinterested.
I’m not trying to make assumptions. I don’t think I’m crazy.
I wish the guys who did this would step back and realize how their actions can be interpreted. Maybe it’s not their intention to create such confusion and frustration. But their lack of agreeing/understanding that it might, makes it that much worse.
I may not be the sun, but I’m certainly worth more than this.
We all are.
Note: This post was originally featured on Solo in the Second City and was republished with permission. You can find the original here.
Carly Oishi is a writer you’ve never heard about, nor read anything by. Unless you happened upon the poem she wrote that won first place in the District 300 writing contest circa 1997. Seriously, you should look that shit up. Anyway, when she’s not blogging for solointhesecondcity.com about being hopelessly single, you may find her barely keeping children alive as a nanny, DJing a webcast for the store Transistor, bowling on a league that dates back as far as the 1940’s or singing in a duo aptly named Jon & Carly. She’d tell you to find her on Facebook, but her privacy settings keep her annoyingly elusive.