Patrick Gill: What I Haven’t Learned Yet

by: Patrick Gill

Note: “What I Haven’t Learned Yet” is a new column that features anti-advice from our writers. This week, Patrick Gill explains everything about himself, or at least what he is willing to tell you right now.  

Quick list:

To spell, math in general, to go to the doctor/dentist, to develop a sleep schedule.  

In depth list:

If there is a persistent and annoying noise in your dreams, it’s your alarm.

Two things I am not exactly proud of, I am chronically tardy and impossible to wake.  I, on average, set 5 alarms, all different tones and set to go within one hour.  Yet often my roommate has to yell from her room to turn off my alarm.  It’s terrible, and now that I have real people jobs, I really need to get on that.

Eat quickly, you will feel fine. 

I have honestly eaten so fast that I have to lie down and rest, like I just sprinted 200 meters with sandbags harnessed to my waist.  And I have no idea why I do this.  I just love to eat, and apparently I think all food in front of me gone will spoil if the air touches if for 10 more minutes.

There have been times when I am talking with someone over burritos, and we are have a steady and lively conversation, but somehow by the time they are a quarter down I have already finished an am reaching for the leftover chips.  It’s probably rude, and I am glad I generally eat only with understand friends that understand I am half Hoover.  I have however gotten to a point where when I am around people I don’t know well or feel like I need to impress, that I start to mentally count between chomps or shovels of food.

That I either need to dance better or at least accept that I dance like a traffic cop.

When I dance, there’s just, a lot of arms, moderate hip swinging, but mostly just arms.  In truth, more than I am directing traffic.  I look like Tyres, from the show Spaced.  And I like it, I just wish I was a little smoother.

Laundry is something to be done with regularity, not when it is an inescapable act.

This is not entirely to do with my laziness, I used to have to trek on the infrequent Damen bus to the Laundromat for a year.  Its engrained in me deep that laundry is the worst.  Though I am a rather perspiring person, I manage to find my cleaner clothes and hope to mask most of my scent with deodorant and fluffing shirts with baking soda (I can’t take all of my smell out though, I have a weird kinship with it).

Strangers are not terrifying.

I am an intensely guarded person.  I can’t stress that enough.  It’s actually one of the reasons I write less frequently for In Our Words, I only really know how to write personal articles well, and frankly I am uncomfortable with people knowing a lot about me.   It could come from years in the closet, or from always wanting to put my best public face on; maybe I get a small subconscious kick from revealing long held secrets (I’m being withholding, look at me getting off).

In any case, this has inhibited my ability to talk to strangers in some capacity.  If I know there is a slim chance of seeing a person, I could go wild, or if I am just really feeling that day and what I am doing, I will be as open as possible.  As of lately this is what I have worked on the most (as is the next one), as I want to get to know people better and potentially alleviate some of the anxiety that comes with secret keeping.

Compliments can be sincere.  

It’s not cute to argue with someone when they say something nice about you or what you’re doing.  I could stand to be cuter.   Aside from being less attractive, it is also probably one of the less healthy things I do.   I think I do good work, but really, I don’t expect people to see it.  When people do, and genuinely compliment me, I also think there’s a hidden meaning behind their compliment: what it back handed? Was it to appease my deflated ego? Was is sarcastic?  That’s a hot and sweaty ball of insecurity I need to unravel then, which makes me into a hot and sweaty lump of a person.

That a surprise can be fun.  

I am not a fan of surprises.  I watched The Truman Show when I was too young, multiple times.  We can delve into how that made me paranoid and a little too solipsistic and self-center at a young age later.  What I want to focus on though is that from a young age I thought the world was keeping secrets from me (which it does, I need deal with thisl); or even that people worse knew everything about me and were interacting differently to me due to knowing me so well.  This feeling was only heightened by the secrets I was hiding.

Because of this I hate surprises, I hate that something is kept from me.  In complete honesty I have thought on multiple occasions, when my friends have congregated before me and ask me to come over that I am walking into an intervention or a group talk about choices I have made.

I don’t even like being on the surprising half of an event that much either, the uncertainty of the outcome; people like that, how?  It frightens me to no end.  I am not even a planner by nature, I just like it when I can get some grasp on situations before I encounter them.

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