The Ultimate Boner: Why Consent Is Sexy (and Necessary)

by: IOW Staff

Derrick Clifton

Mission Accomplished! For me, it’s not a failed attempt at ending a battle (shout outs to you, Georgie). Rather, it’s the feeling I get when my kiss gets returned or my open hand is held, and especially if that gives way to more romance. Now, that makes me feel uber sexy.

And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I’d feel pretty sad if I couldn’t get a simple “yes” from someone without demands, force or underhanded tactics. Wouldn’t you? Call me old-fashioned if you wish, but I happen to be a fan of courtship, series of dates and connecting on a deeper level prior to any kind of intimate exchange. Even if you feel all of that’s akin to fairy tales and unicorns, and you prefer simple, casual fun, getting to “yes” is still sexy. Am I right, or am I right?

Timothy Elliot Lalowski

When a guy consents to sex, I feel good about myself. It means he wants to have sex with me, and when someone wants to have sex with me, I take that as a compliment. It’s a major esteem booster. I find this very sexy. I find it sexy that this person wants me. They want to see my naked body. They want to feel the touch of my skin. I want to hear them scream, “Yes! Yes! YES!!!”, as they confirm they’re enjoying it. Bottom line, consent is sexy.

Consent is also necessary. Do unto others as you would like done unto you. Nobody deserves the degradation of rape. Nobody deserves the weak feeling of being taken advantage of. This behavior is against what makes us human. Believe in compassion.

Carly Maria Hubbard

Frankly, as a human being in possession of a vagina (and of orifices in general), I find it rather terrifying that there are people out there who get off on control and coercion. Any form of rejection would immediately kill my inner high school nerd’s bone- I want to be with someone who wants me back, who’s enjoying themselves as much as I am. I want to feel desired, accepted, and in sync with my partner- that’s how I feel sexy, and I’d want my partner to feel that way too. All it takes is  little bit of consideration, and I’m a happy girl. Honestly, not only is consent necessary under the law, it’s just the gentlemanly thing to do. Guys and gals, let’s just remember what Mommy said: if you want something, ask before you take it.

Mar Curran

Every party has a pooper, and I’m the “consent is sexy” pooper (which is a sexy title itself, I know). Is consent sexy? Yes. As a survivor of sexual assault and rape, nothing gives me an anti-boner quite like a lack of consent. However, it doesn’t matter whether I am aroused by consent or not; it’s necessary. Framing the conversation in a way that negates the seriousness of consent and tried to make it “hip” makes my brows furrow like an old miser man. I don’t care if you don’t like consent, it doesn’t get you off, or it’s not your sexual bag of tea– just fucking do it.

Patrick Gill

I’m a talker during sex, not excessively so but a talker nonetheless.  Lots of asking how and what is wanted and what feels good, and yeah sometimes its a little dry sounding but I like to make it breathy or gruff when I can.  What can I say, I aim to please.  Dirty talking, with all of its ridiculous glory, was not even something I even knew I did until not to long ago, the majority of men I have been with have been talkers so it’s a habit.  Honestly, it’s a habit I enjoy having.  It only slightly puts me in the mood even when done well, but during sex, the act of communicating verbally and physically is both required and arousing.

I’m not exactly dense, but I need explicit communication in everyday life, of course I am going to need it during sex.  I don’t quite understand the dominant idea that its hot when she or he just knows what to do and does it without saying a word.  When does that happen when a director or editing is not involved?  It might be a bummer, you might feel bashful or it might even take time to tell a partner what’s going to get you to that place your aching to go to, but a good sex partner can understand and work with that.  I appreciate it, as someone who has been acted on in less consensual ways with unclear communication;  I can’t speak for others, but I believe they enjoy it too.  And communication is clear, they sex can open up to new intimacies, new and hotter sex, and you will trust in your partner that what is happening will satisfy you both.

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