Just As Pretty as You Want Them: Why I Hate Porn

by: Timothy Lalowski

I love porn, and by that, I mean I hate it. I hate that I love porn, and I hate porn for making me love it so. It’s a terrible mess of a relationship to be in; one that I’d like to escape from. It’s similar to my relationship to high fructose corn syrup and other sweet tooth cravings. They’re all just so good, and so bad!

I love porn. I love watching it, getting turned on, getting off, feeling that release. I am a sexual being, and my sex life is, err, sub-par. It follows suit with my dating life (I’ve never been much for hook-ups).  Therefore, sometimes I feel the need to take care of ‘it’ myself. So, it definitely has its use.

That brings me to my hatred for porn. It’s become a matter of dependence, and another item to add to my list of “needs.” It isn’t really a need, but I’ve conditioned myself to hold that belief. Addiction. I am addicted, like many others, to porn.

Porn re-defines your standards. Interested in gorgeous, young, skinny, Polish boys who hold a spiral lollipop while being plowed by another of the same? Lollipop Twinks. Interested in older, large, hairy men that like to suck on your toes? Jake Cruise. Looking for a boy who enjoys wearing pizza delivery clothes during sex? Sex Gaymes. How about a muscle builder wearing a leather wolf mask and a jock strap? Fetish Force. There is something to fit almost every specification. No need to search for a match, to get to know a personality, or become acquainted. They’re always just as pretty as you want them. I don’t know how you would defend your position if you felt this didn’t have a negative impact on your future relationships. I personally, always catch myself comparing my new date to the men I’ve seen online, setting the bar more and more unrealistically high.

Porn is not real. It does not work like that in real life. They plan out their positions ahead of time. The outfits are all pre-selected. They prep the erections. They start and stop, edit the film, pose for photos, hold positions, fake pleasure, fake orgasms, fake, fake, fake. Porn actors are just that, actors. They don’t receive that spark the real thing gets. They don’t perform based on how it feels. They perform on how it looks. I’ve tried many of those positions, and trust me, time after time, I’ve been disappointed. They never really satisfy me as much as they seemed they would.

Real relationships take effort. They take time, and in the end you have memories and an understanding of each other. There’s an additional dynamic that alters the interaction. Even hook-ups require you to search for someone willing to have sex with you, and then plan a location and time to do so.

Porn is an addiction that I would rather do with out. It has created a dependency that affects how I meet men. It has altered my perception on relationships for the worse and allowed for an unrealistic fantasy. Porn, here is my message to you: “I hate you. You suck!”

Timothy Elliot Lalowski is a student at the Illinois Institute of Technology where he studies Architectural Engineering and Civil Engineering with a minor in Architecture. Timothy is a founder of ItGetsMoreGay.tumblr.com, a G focused LGBTQ help blog. Timothy has also recently founded New Velocity, the Illinois Institute of Technology’s Performance Dance Troupe and serves as president and major choreographer. Interested in the Social Progressive Movement, Timothy continues to work towards his goal of founding the Progressive Design and Engineering Movements.

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4 responses to “Just As Pretty as You Want Them: Why I Hate Porn

  1. I actually completely disagree. Porn has never negatively affected my relationships; in fact, we often share favorite sites & videos. I’ve also gotten ideas from videos that have worked out quite well – things I certainly wouldn’t have come up with on my own. Porn is, of course, fantasy, much the way that romantic comedies are relationship fantasies, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have a place and aren’t enjoyable. Our world is full of faces prettier than our own, but that shouldn’t take away from your ability to love real people who can love you back. Actual touching is much more fun than looking at a screen. I would also challenge the use of the word addiction. As someone who has been an addict, I certainly don’t think that the way most people watch porn could be considered addict behavior.

    • “I certainly don’t think that the way most people watch porn could be considered addict behavior.” False. Scientific literature is finally revealing a striking link between porn and all other addictive behaviors. Porn rewires fundamental brain circuitry and coerces the innate Coolidge Effect (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSF82AwSDiU a summary of a more detailed documentary entitled “Your Brain On Porn”). A huge support group of over 15,000 men and women on reddit encourage each other to kick the habit (r/nofap). Personal experience must avoid being broadcast into generalizations. Have you engaged in any relationships with both parties abstaining from porn? If not, how can you judge that viewing porn isn’t detrimental to most romantic relationships? Have you ever tried weening yourself from porn and masturbation? I’ve seen hundreds of posts on r/nofap on the difficulty of quitting. Additionally, porn and masturbation are only found in WEIRD (Western, Educated, Industrialized, Rich, and Democratic) nations. This challenges the assumption that viewing porn and consistently masturbating are natural universal activities. I applaud Tim for discovering this issue on his own.

  2. Pingback: Queering the Pornograpic: A Response to “Why I Hate Porn” « In Our Words·

  3. Hi Timothy! Thank you for your writing on this insidious topic. I definitely give you props because you’re a gay man and you’re being so honest about this subject. I like to look @ sensual nudes of women (I am a bisexual woman). I look once in a while to feel the wild “release” which is aided by these photos. Heterosexual porn makes me sick and drives me crazy. No more sensual nudes-men created “rape porn” where it’s all about women being humiliated-raped for money-and I’d not rather get into the rest. How can this be sexy to men that claim they “love women?” If they truly loved women why do they pay money to watch her (who is prob drug addicted and high while being filmed)being hurt? That’s my issue with porn as a bi woman. Thanks again for your honesty and for blogging about your true feelings about porn… 🙂

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