Get It While You Can: The Dating Profile of Violet Fenn

Preferred pronouns: Feminine. Anything masculine shuts me down and immediately ends whatever interaction I have with someone.

Interested in: Women-soft butch, tomboys, femmes who aren’t obsessive about their looks

When did you stop believing in Santa Claus?

The one year when I left a letter to Santa next to a plate of sugar cookies and asked him to sign it to prove he was the real Santa. The next morning, I read the signature and realized it was in my mama’s handwriting.

What you think is our culture’s biggest hang up with sex and dating?

Many people, like me, don’t have the sex drive of a rabbit. While we are interested, the fire needs to be stoked and fed before it can really burn. There’s more to sex than the physical part. Sex is done too often way too casually.

What are you long-term goals?

Get my master’s, take up the violin again, get involved in amateur theater again, learn how to cook yummy Jewish food really well.

What’s something that almost no one knows or that you usually don’t tell people about yourself?

At one point in my life, I was working to become a licensed mortician.

If you had to stay in on a Friday night alone or with someone special, how would you spend it?

With someone-set the table for dinner with the wine and challah, recite the Shabbat blessings, converse, read, listen to music, make love, not watching TV or surfing the internet.

When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

A doctor, a teacher, a forensic pathologist

What are the lessons you learned from your most significant relationship?

Never, ever compromise yourself. If she’s not the least bit interested in my family, she’s not worth dating.

What TV show could you spend all day watching?

No question, The Golden Girls

Are you a dog person or a cat person and why?

Cats through and through. They’re low-maintenance, loving, and their purrs are so soothing. I do like dogs, but mainly the small ones, like a Pug, Chihuahua, or a Yorkie.

How do you see your life when you are older?

Probably a lot like Sophia Petrillo.

If you could be famous for only one thing, what would it be?

Being the first trans woman to play Miss Hannigan in a stage production of Annie.

 What’s your ideal first date?

A picnic, a walk, and a nice, long, talk.

What are your dealbreakers in a partner?

Verbal, emotional, or physical abuse. No respect of my religious beliefs. Not being ok with the fact that I’m a trans woman.

What’s the most important thing to you in a relationship?

Someone who’s patient and willing to deal with the baggage I carry. We all have baggage. Love, respect, support, and a healthy sense of humor.


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