Get It While You Can: The Dating Profile of Nebula Li


What famous person epitomizes your ideal mate and why?

For men, the Doctor, either his 9th or 10th incarnations. For women, T-Vu, half of Asian American hip hop duo, Magnetic North. She spits some tight rhymes, is super attractive, and she cares about social justice.  I have no idea if she’s gay, but I’m totally gay for her.

What you think is our culture’s biggest hang up with sex and dating?

The mixed signals it sends women, and how those messages are different from the messages it sends men.

How do you think we can foster world peace?

All minorities uniting together and focusing on common goals. This means women, people of color, queers/trans folk, the disabled.  And through artists combining with social justice community organizers, working with people’s lawyers,working with teachers, nurses, doctors, and other service-oriented industries.

What are you long-term goals?

To be the staff attorney at a kick-ass nonprofit, or a clinical professor at my own legal clinic at a law school.  Or, you know, becoming a famous singer, but that’s gonna have to wait until I pay off my loans, heh.

If you had to stay in on a Friday night alone or with someone special, how would you spend it?

Snuggling under some flannel covers with someone special.

When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

A ballerina doctor. Like, a full-time ballerina who had an M.D.

What turns you on in a sex partner?

Left wing radical politics, an understanding of issues people of color face, good taste in music, good dancer, good kisser, a focus on consent, assertiveness.

What are the lessons you learned from your most significant relationship?

That I need an equally passionate partner – whether they’re an artist or an activist. Otherwise, we don’t have similar enough priorities.

What’s your ideal first date?

Something interactive that allows for a lot of talking. Let’s volunteer at a farm, or go to a political rally, or go dancing/take dance lessons, watch live Rocky Horror, or catch some spoken word, or go on a city-wide Scavenger Hunt.  Impress me with your creativity and enthusiasm for life.

What are your dealbreakers in a partner?

Someone who doesn’t understand their privilege. Boring and/or has no sense of humor.  Unwilling to commit to me. Untrustworthy.

What’s one thing you want to tell the world? 

Children are a lot smarter than you think they are – stop talking down to them.

What TV show could you spend all day watching?


How do you see your life when you are older?

Similar to now (doing grassroots organizing while being a lawyer or maybe teaching), but with kids and a partner.

If you could be famous for only one thing, what would it be?

For building coalitions between different movements.  I would be so proud if I were known for that.

What would your superpower be?

To be a shiftshaper. It would be so awesome.

What’s the most imaginative way you’ve ever been asked out?

I was in a bar with my older brother (it was his birthday), and honestly a teenager.  Some dude asked me my name, so I said Nebula.  He said “Wow, I’ve never met a heavenly body before.”  As I was, no joke, in my pre-teens, this was unsuccessful and mildly creepy.  Points for creativity, though!

What was the first life lesson you ever learned?

With the right amount of support, you can do anything you put your mind to.

Big spoon or little spoon?

Either, but I prefer little.

What’s the most important thing to you in a relationship?

Comfortability.  I’m pretty silly in general, but when I’m alone with my partner, that gets amped up by like 10x.  I want someone who can let loose and take a joke and run with it for like 10 minutes.

Finish the phrase:  I could never be with someone____________

whose favorite movie is The Notebook. That shit is terrible.



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