Get It While You Can: The Dating Profile of Calhoun Kersten

In an attempt to become more like the shiksa yentas of their dreams, Nico and Patrick have developed a questionnaire for willing writers to fill out.  They feel this will help showcase the writer’s stellar assets and get them laid/meet wonderful people.  The writers of In Our Words deserve nice things. 

Preferred Pronouns: Male
Interested in: Men

If this were a beauty pageant, how would you introduce yourself?

Um… well, not sure what this guy is doing here? Maybe he slept with one of the judges?

When did you stop believing in Santa Claus?

When I was 6 and I found my dad putting presents under the tree.

What famous person epitomizes your ideal mate and why?

Cary Grant because the man’s got charm, humor, and an unparalleled sense of style.

What’s something that almost no one knows or that you usually don’t tell people about yourself?

I fall asleep to the PBS show Arthur just about every night

What you think is our culture’s biggest hang up with sex and dating?

There’s this idea that domesticity is the American Dream or that’s something we should all work for

How do you think we can foster world peace?

As long as we’ve got organized religion, there’s no such thing as world peace.

What are you long-term goals?

I’d like to publish a book on the evolution of the horror film. Man, I’m a nerd.

If you had to stay in on a Friday night alone or with someone special, how would you spend it?

Bottle of wine, guy on one side and my dog on the other, with a cheesy B-movie playing in the background.

When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

Until I was in kindergarten, I wanted to grow up to be a tree, because trees create oxygen so I’d be helping people breathe.

What turns you on in a sex partner?

I like a guy with a nice chest.

Did your parents ever catch you having sex or masturbating?

Unfortunately, yes, but only solo. I guess it could’ve been worse.

 If you had to marry one Jonas Brother, have sex with another and kill the third one, which would you choose?

 Marry- Joe Murder- Nick Fuck- Kevin

What are the lessons you learned from your most significant relationship?

 Variety is the spice of life, but if his favorite musical artist is Kiley Minogue and yours is Black Flag, it’s still probably doomed.

What’s your ideal first date?

Does it make me slutty if I say sex? Well, either way I’m saying sex, but I guess coffee and conversation beforehand at least.

What are your dealbreakers in a partner?

Conservatives and people that don’t know how to laugh at themselves.

Are you a dog person or a cat person and why?

Dog person. I like the sense of companionship as opposed to the self-sufficiency of cats. I need to be needed, damnit!

What’s one thing you want to tell the world?

In Batman Begins they pronounce Ra’s Al Ghul’s name wrong and it drives me insane.

 The Voice or American Idol?

I’ve never watched either, but I’ll go with The Voice since Adam Levine is kinda hot.

Britney or Christina?


What TV show could you spend all day watching?

Happy Endings. That show is ah-mazing.


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