Get It While You Can: The Dating Profile of David Chastity

by: David Chastity

1. When did you stop believing in Santa Claus?  

Sometime around when all my favorite songs were about losing your virginity.

2. What famous person epitomizes your ideal mate and why?

I did a post about this, but to pick someone not on this list: Ewan MacGregor. Reasons should be obvious.

3. What you think is our culture’s biggest hang up with sex and dating?

Monogamy.

4. How do you think we can foster world peace?

More love during childhood, and more sex during adulthood.

5. If you had to stay in on a Friday night alone or with someone special, how would you spend it?

Ideal Friday Night Me Party involves a great playlist, a bottle of wine, a few bottles of nail polish, and space to dance.

6. When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

Artist/teacher/writer/veterinarian/singer. All at once.

7. What turns you on in a sex partner?

Hair. Especially on bodies, for both boys and girls.

8. Did your parents ever catch you having sex or masturbating?

I think my dad saw me humping my bed through the window once, but I don’t think he knew what I was doing. I still learned an important lesson about closing the shades.

9. What are the lessons you learned from your most significant relationship?

Just ‘cause you don’t say “I love you” doesn’t mean you don’t feel it.

10. What’s your ideal first date?

Drinks, alcoholic or no. I like something short, so I can tell if there’s chemistry or not, without then being stuck with someone all night.

11. What are your dealbreakers in a partner?

Lying about other partners. Giant penises. Airs of desperation.

12. Are you a dog person or a cat person and why?

Kitties! They smell nicer and are easier to force to cuddle.

13.  What TV show could you spend all day watching?

Sister Wives.

14.  How do you see your life when you are older?

Someone else is paying my travel expenses, and they let me take the train.

15  What would your superpower be?

Flying. Every time I wake up from a flying dream, it takes me, like, an hour to realize it wasn’t real.

16.  How much is that doggy in the window?

I’m pretty sure it’s free for whoever is willing to deal with it.

17.  At gunpoint, if you had to pick one of the current GOP candidates to be our future president, who would it be and why?

Ron Paul, because he’d stay the fuck out of my way.

18. Big spoon or little spoon?

Little spoon. Big ones are hard to fit in my mouth! Oh you mean spooning. I just like snuggles.

19.  What’s the most important thing to you in a relationship?

Effective communication. Verbal or not.

20.  Finish the phrase:  I could never be with someone who _______________.

Can’t be honest.

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One response to “Get It While You Can: The Dating Profile of David Chastity

  1. Between me and my husband we’ve owned more MP3 players over the years than I can count, including Sansas, iRivers, iPods (classic & touch), the Ibiza Rhapsody, etc. But, the last few years I’ve settled down to one line of players. Why? Because I was happy to discover how well-designed and fun to use the underappreciated (and widely mocked) Zunes are

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