by: Amaris Hinton
I was 24 when I finally “gave up the ghost.” This was the age when I was deflowered, when I decided enough was enough, and I was over having that stigma of: “You are how old and you are still a virgin?” (Yes, it was said just like that.)
I am a religious person. I believe in God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I know what the Bible teaches about premarital sex. However, I also knew that my boyfriend (soon to be fiance now) was the person I wanted to share myself with.
Religion aside, I knew that my virginity was mine and mine alone, and I wasn’t going to waste it on someone who wouldn’t be there in the morning, someone who didn’t know me from Adam. That is what I took from my experiences, the way I was raised, and my personal convictions.
Now, to be fair, my religious beliefs were only part of the reason I did wait as long as I did. I also waited because I went through a phase where my sexuality was an enigma. Then there was my college experience where I saw friends and roommates sad, left alone, and used by their partners. I was scared. I had enough self-esteem issues at that the time, I didn’t want to stir up more. I had just won my battle with self-harm and depression, I didn’t want to open that hole in my life again.
After college, I lived a pretty nomadic life for a while. I avoided sexual activity was because I am a very physical and affectionate person. I knew that if I had sex with someone just because I wanted to have sex, I would never stop. I enjoy physical contact. Complete body on body contact? Forget about it. I am neither a “horndog” nor a sex addict; it would just be that ultimate connection with a person. So, seeing as I didn’t know where my life was taking me, my dating and social lives were pretty low key.
But what led to losing my virginity was love and curiosity; that’s why I consider it a gift and not a loss.
Bill (my boyfriend) and I had been in each other’s lives for 8 months. It was Super Bowl Sunday 2010, and we were at a close friend of Bill’s. Up until that night, our physical interactions slowly escalated each month, the more comfortable I became with him. That night, his friend and her husband made a bet that he would come home with me after the game, even though he had said he was going to stay with them. Bill became aware of that bet, he sent me a text about it, saying (at least partially) in jest: “The only way I will come over is if I am going to get lucky.”
I paused and responded simply “okay.”
I don’t know what made me decide that that night was the night. I just knew that Bill didn’t pressure me for anything, he liked me for who I was, and I knew that if we did have sex, he would be there in the morning. And I was tired of not knowing what it was like.
So that’s my story. No romance, no rose petals and no Barry White. It was just me, a guy and me trusting him. I don’t care how or why anyone lost their v-card. I just know that when I did, it was definitely worth the wait.
Amaris Hinton is a 25-year-old bookseller who resides in Cincinnati, OH. She graduated from Columbia College Chicago with a BA of the Arts, concentrating on Film and Video. Her hobbies include knitting, reading, writing and spending time with her family. She also has a deep appreciation for gingers. That and cupcakes. Yeah.