Not Taylor Swift: Eight Tracks for Your Poly Mixtape

by: David Chastity

You know what’s kind of annoying about being polyamorous? Love songs. Way too many love songs are all about “you’re my one and only, I will always be true, I would die if I found you in the arms of another.” Eww. And as much fun as it is to break out “Run For Your Life” on Beatles: Rock Band when the whole commune is playing together, sometimes us poly kids want to make sappy mix tapes that speak to our own love stories, too, and not just Taylor Swift’s ideal. So, I happily present David Chastity’s Collection of Adorable Polyamorous Love Songs!

1. “Five Years Time” by Noah and the Whale

Like most songs on this list, there’s nothing explicitly poly going on in this one. That said, there’s a distinct tendency in poly relationships not to spend so much time focusing on “we will be together forever and EVER” and instead enjoy the present. Because we aren’t looking for a partner who completes our soul, poly people are much more open about the fact that sometimes relationships have appropriate, healthy end dates. This catchy little ditty is also aware of that: Noah and his Whale-love are imagining all kinds of fantastic activities they might be involved in five years from now, including the fact that “we might not speak at all.” Plus the chorus is basically just “love love love” over and over, which is great for mushy late-night NRE moments.

2. “When U Love Somebody” by Fruit Bats

Four simple lines of lyrics in this one, no time to go bandying about monogamous-only love sentiments. Plus, it emphasizes the importance of communication! “When you love somebody and bite your tongue, all you get is a mouthful of blood.” Exactly, Fruit Bats. (Bonus points: me and my boyfriend’s other girlfriend both got really into this song, independently, at the same time last winter.)

3. “Tonight You Belong To Me” by Gene Austin (However, if you want the best version, go for Josh Ritter and Blake Hazard)

Sure, you could argue that this song is affirming some kind of monogamy, but really? “I know you’re with someone else but tonight you’re with me” is the message of this song. That’s called polyamory. And you’ve all been affirming it since the 1920s.

4. “You’re So Damn Hot” by OK Go 

Not exactly a lovey-dovey poly relationship here, but sometimes it’s not just about the feelings, okay? This song is about a guy who is dating a gender-non-specified person who is super good looking. And this “bad-hearted boytrap babydoll” is also most definitely going out on dates with other people, and our song’s hero just doesn’t care, because “you’re so damn hot.” Yes you are, and I will continue to enjoy our hot sex life and I’m glad some other “rubes are riding hot,” too. (I will acknowledge that “my partner sure is slutty but I love him/her anyway” is a fairly common subgenre of music. Simon & Garfunkel’s “Cecilia” is another great entry in this category.)

5. “Freedom to Stay” by Waylon Jennings 

Waylon is so used to packing up and leaving for greener pastures, because he’s a rambling man, you see. But something new has happened. He has met a lady who says that he is free to wander as much as he wants, and that has given him the freedom to stay with her. There’s a reason cowboys are romantic heroes, guys.

6. “Fifth Tambourine” by Castledoor

Ignore the part where this is about being a huge fan of a band. Instead, think about the idea of “playing the fifth tambourine.” A band with five tambourines sure sounds excessive, doesn’t it? Kinda like a person with five partners, huh? But here’s a song where it’s okay to dream of being the fifth, of having that big van full of people being the ideal family. A fantastic poly sentiment.

7. “A.C.D.C.” by Joan Jett

Did you know that Joan Jett and I share a birthday? We do. And a love of bisexual sluts. This song is basically just “she’s got some other lover as well as me” over and over. It’s my favorite poly punk anthem.

8. “Fell In Love With a Girl” by the White Stripes

Jack White fell in love with a girl who is dating some guy named Bobby, and Bobby says it’s a-okay. Jack doesn’t really trust this girl to be for real, but he’ll learn with time. Go kiss her, Jack! She totally loves you back. And Bobby. At the same time.

David Chastity is some girl who lives in a city on the East Coast and likes kissing. She also really enjoys doing the Onion A.V. Club crossword puzzle, drinking good beer and finding the secret sexual meanings in popular music. She’s working on her MDiv and convincing Jesus to marry her.

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